Age: 10 years old
Parents: Kirk Van Houten and Luanne Van Houten - recently divorced
Occupations: Night watchman for Bart's factory. Hall monitor.
Favorite Food: Vaseline on toast.
Favorite Drink: Soy milk, real milk could kill him.
Pets: Deceased fish which Santa's Little Helper ate.
Friends: Bart Simpson, Lewis, Wendell, Martin, Richard
Girlfriends: Lisa Simpson, Samantha Stankey, Greta Wolfcastle
Enemies: Nelson Muntz, Jimbo Jones, Kearney, Dolph
Favorite Reading Material: Radioactive Man
Favorite Game: Bonestorm, Cup and Ball, Cowboys and Indians
Greatest Achievement: Once bought a jacket with Bazooka Joe wrappers.
Secret: His psychiatrist has noted various homosexual tendencies.
Embarassing Moment: Was 'missing' on a milk carton.
Famous For: Playing Fallout Boy in the unfinished Radioactive Man film, Kidz Newz anchor
Criminal Record: Bart once got his picture on Americas Most Wanted
Can cook dinner
Looks like the dud in the mystery date game
Has a body odour problem
Pathetic Ice Hockey goal keeper
Was crippled by Mr. Burns to inspire a football team
Was flattened at a spinal tap concert.